Health Goals: Learning to Run

My fellow fitness inspiration, Teresa Jusino, likes to say she didn't want to run unless she's being chased. She's currently working her way through the Couch to 5k Program, just like me! The reason behind Teresa's working out is here.  I've always hated running, but I think it's perhaps it was due to not being able to do it well, and having issues with asthma.

The past several years, I've been working on being able to run 3 miles without falling over. I start, I stop. I have friends with me, I do it by myself. I've even been to a half marathon where I only "ran" the first 3 miles and walked the rest. Last Fall, I did the Run For Your Lives Zombie 5k with several friends.

Near the end of the run. I'm in the back.

Running is a weird little sport. I don't think I really began to enjoy it until last year. I don't think I realized that I had been enjoying it, until I stopped after the Zombie 5k. As I have signed myself up to run the Zombie 5k again(!) I have to keep training.

I still don't really "love" running. My brain finds reasons to stop every second of a run. (Oh, and by run - I mean jog. Cuz yeah, 70 year old speedwalkers are faster than my running pace). "Your earphones are falling out. You should stop and pee. Your nose itches. You're too hungry to run. You're almost at a walk, might as well walk. Something's in your shoe-swear to God. " Amazingly, I have learned that all runners go through this. I don't know why your brain insists on telling you reasons not to run, but it does. It really has turned into a mental exercise more than a physical one. Fascinating. I do, however, want to get to the point where people bliss out, and running turns into a meditative state. I know it happens. I just want to be able to meditate without falling asleep, which is what currently happens to me.

Punky, my running partner.

Another reason why I want to be able to run, and run well - cuz when I'm chased, I want to be able to
outrun what's chasing me. I don't want to sprint for 30 seconds and then be overtaken in an asthmatic fit. You need to be able to run so you can play with dogs, small children, and to outrun zombies chasing you or any other apocalyptic catastrophe. Adrenaline only helps so much.

My running app.

My current goal with running is just to focus on the progression of being able to run 3 miles. Since I'm using a C25K app, my focus is being able to run for different lengths of time each day. Today, I managed to run for 8 minutes twice, with a 3 minutes walking break in between. That's day 1 of week 6. Tomorrow, I'll do day 2 of week 3, and I'll be running for different intervals of 3 minutes or less. No, this isn't normally how you're supposed to do the program. But as I'm on it for about the 4th time in my life, I know I've built up the strength for this, mentally and physically. I also like repeating weeks as necessary. This time around, when I finish week 8, my plan is to then restart using the Zombies, Run! app, so I can practice sprinting away from zombies. (Truly, the best running app out there. ZOMBIES!).

I would like to thank my friends, Genie and Trina for running with me off and on through the past couple years and never laughing at me, or making a disparaging remark. If they hadn't been so supportive, I don't think I would've kept going. 

Thank You For Helping Susan!!

I am pleased to announce that through the efforts of friends, and friends of friends, we raised just about $1200 for Susan this weekend. We paid for her August rent, and she can now get some groceries and pay some other bills.

SO THANK YOU!



While Susan's waiting for her disability to kick in, she's still got her many hats on, in the air, everywhere.

Find her art (oil and watercolor) here: http://art.lifeonitsside.com

Find her Fiverr copywriting/editing gig here: http://fiverr.com/side_life 

UPDATE: Find her handcrafted Kanji Jewelry here on Fiverr: http://fiverr.com/side_life/create-a-handcrafted-kanji-necklace-out-of-polymer-clay

You can still send her donations, if you'd like, via PayPal at susan@lifeonitsside.com. I know some people have mailed in contributions, and this effort is just truly touching. You're all a bunch of angels.

If you want to know what lead to this mass effort of fundraising, look at my last post: Help A Susan Out, Yo. 

Here's Susan on her first day of chemo, and where she become a BAMF in my eyes: Susan's First Day of Chemo.

Here's my post on Susan as The Bravest Storyteller I Know.

It's Really Hard to be Pollyanna Right Now

Whenever a friend is having a hard time, I try really hard to find the positive. For example, Trina had locked herself out last night while walking Scruffles. She called me to get the key, and I'm thinking at least she had her cell phone so she could call me. At least Lorelei lives close to us, so she could get a ride over to me. It helps make the world a brighter place. Some people don't want the sunshine shoved up their ass when they're in a funk, and I respect that. Later, if they're so willing, I'll add in my Pollyanna Two Cents, and it seems to help a bit.

It's really hard to do this for myself. Especially when it comes to my lack of funds and when my car takes affect on the lackage. (Yeah, I know that's not a word).

Two weeks ago, I had to take my car in for a strange rattling sound that shouldn't be ignored. My parents helped me pay for it. If they hadn't, I'd be taking a bus and learning to ride public transit from West LA to the Valley, and hassling my friends for rides home. I know lots and lots of people take public transit. Monica did it for months, bless her heart. You need a car to live in this town, because taking the damn bus is not convenient!! Every time my car has some problem that's not a flat and not getting in an accident, I freak out. FREAK.OUT. (I'm so used to those other annoying problems. It's why I have AAA, so it's taken care of).

The point of all this? My car again died last night making strange noises as I pulled into the neighborhood of where I'm cat-sitting. An overwhelming sense of doom flooded over me. Again? I don't have money to pay for this shit. My folks are running out of their own funds, and I'm not helping. Every worst-case scenario starts popping in my head. For just this week alone, not having a car accessible is going to screw me royally. Thank god I'm in a show with people who live close to me.

I am ready to just break down and cry and give up. Is this some Divine Test? WTF am I supposed to do? Keep pushing forward, right? Well, it really doesn't seem like I can do that right now. I'm barely hanging in there as it is. My sanity has reached its peak. I really, really want to just give up. I'll be a working drone in a cubicle. Obviously, money is more important than pursuing one's dreams. Despite the genorosity of my friends these past few months, maybe I'm just a waste of time and effort.

Agh. Ugh. I hate feeling like this. It's really, really hard for me to have something to think positively about. Right now it's hard to feel grateful. Because everything right now just keeps revolving in the same circles. Blagh.

Of course, I could just be over-reacting, and it'll be a nice simple thing to be fixed, it'll cost less than $100, and I can keep on, keepin' on. Maybe I should still put the Acting Dream on hold and just frickin' work. Be a drone for an office. Get my financial feet on the ground. It'll be soul-killing, but it would maybe a good change of pace to not get in a place like this. I volley back and forth every time. I still can't make up my mind.

Really, I'd like a miracle to happen. That'd be awesome. Someone gives me a lot of money to be an actor. Someone gives me a brand new car. A Knight in Shining Armor arrives, whisks me away, and all my troubles are gone - I live in splendor, my family does as well, my Knight and have wonderful fulfilling lives, we travel, we have multitudinous children for my parents to finally be grandparents, I fly my friends all over the world - and I have a car that's good to the environment, has power windows, and has a nice stereo system. Really, is that so much to ask? Haven't I earned that yet? Sigh.

I have to say, I feel a bit better for venting this all out there. Sorry you had to read it. The stress level has gone down a bit, and now I just wait and see what the outcome is. Aarrgh.

Hrm....

It's Friday and I ain't got shit to do.

Well... no, that's not true. A friend is throwing a party tonight because she's leaving town to pursue bigger and better things. And while I know it'd be good to get out and go, I'm debating. I'm debating this whole weekend.

What do you do when you have little cash? Do you stay home and watch TV and read? This is highly tempting, especially since I am house-sitting for Steph and Ryan. (They have quite the lovely flat screen TV - it's huge!). Part of me doesn't want to be a hermit. The idea of being a hermit this whole weekend actually bums me out. But maybe, maybe I should be a little more practical.

Here it is, the 16th of the month. My first check for Freshi Films won't come until the end of the month. I only have about $40 in the bank, I need to put gas in the car, and I need to make this cash last. I'm holding out that I will raise the money for rent, (I did it last month, didn't I?), but what if I don't? What if all I have leftover for this month is $240? That would mean that I didn't go buy gas, it would mean I didn't travel anywhere unless absolutely necessary. It means that I would take myself out of a social atmosphere that I do know I need to exist. Every little bit counts right now - the mileage of my car is huge, especially as I have a quarter of a tank left. Going across town to visit a friend when I have no money to spend may not be wise. Granted, if I had the cash, I'd go in a heartbeat. I can't carpool, I'm out of everyone's way. Would she be heartbroken that I didn't go? Not necessarily. I know she'd be bummed, but I also know I wouldn't break her heart.

Much of the weekend is like this. There are events that would be fun to go to, (workday for the Ark, a movie screening at Freshi, the first night of 3 shows at The Hothouse, Monica's birthday, and a hike with Genie, followed by another show of improv on Sunday). This is a full weekend of fun. None of it costs a lot. But by the time I finish driving back and forth between the Valley and the Westside, by the time I finish paying for shows - I'd be broke until I get paid next, at the end of the month.

Money is not easy. I've decided that it's not what I need to be happy, as witnessed by last month, getting horribly sick and depressed working an eight hour day. I can't rely on my friends to always come and rescue me, (as they heroically did last month), I can't hope that money will come out of the woodworks and I'll be able to pay my rent and then some. I think I need to be practical.

I've been reading a wonderful book, (recommended by my fantastic friend Darin), called "Mindset," by Carol S. Dweck. This book talks abouthow one can approach the challenges in life - whether it be about intelligence, relationships, business, etc. The Fixed Mindset basically sees a limit to what it can learn. If it doesn't get a problem right away, doesn't figure out how it works, it gives up and thinks very little of Itself. The Growth Mindset sees a challenge as a chance to grow, it looks forward to the challenge, it knows that failing just means you're learning, and you have to work harder, and it welcomes working harder. So I think the thing to do here is email my friend my apologies. And then, knowing that the lack of money is what has gotten me here, take this opportunity to earn more and challenge myself by working on the massage business. Because it's all I have left to do.

As for the rest of the weekend, I'm still debating. I think I might not go out to The Valley, or spend the gas to go out and bond with people at Freshi since it's not mandatory. I won't go to The Ark and help out for the same reasons. Now, the next debate is Monica and her birthday. She's my roomie. I think I need to go, I think I have to go. I don't want to hurt her or disappoint her.

These are the hard things in Life. Do I look back on this night and reflect, "Coulda, shoulda, woulda?" Will I be satisfied with my choice? Probably not. Hell, I might even go later, you never know. But I think it's best to rein myself in and not act on a whim. I'm going to tell myself this will get better, because it has to. I knew that when this year started, there would be challenges along the way. I still know it, and I know I have to get through them so I can make this year truly great.

In the great words of Jennifer Warren, "Onwards and Sideways!"