Monday, September 28, 2009

Where the F have I been?


Oh, it's been quite too long for me to have gone without a post! I'm so out of the blog world! I don't know what's happening with myself or my other bloggie friends. I've had to rely on human interaction, (yikes!), and that has been touch and go as it is.

I've been back in LA for a little over a month now. Life has felt like a whirlwind! Traveling, smashing cars, moving, unpacking, hustling massage for cash, rehearsing.... I'm just barely startling to feel as my feet are back on the ground.

There has been a lot swirling around in my little head, I tell ya.

I almost don't know where to begin....

But I will tell you I'm fine. I'm very happy right now. Despite the many worries in this head of mine, I am amazed at how happy I am. I think it has to do with finally accepting my life and how I want to lead it.

This might sound strange to some, but I needed my independence. For years I have hated going into work from 9 to 5, or whatever retail shift I had, even when I was at a spa of some sort. Because oddly enough, it somehow felt like it got in the way. In the way of what? I don't know, everything. I was really feeling it in the first half of the year. I was jealous of my friends who freelanced, or who had been let go of their jobs. So, I decided that when I came back into town, I'd strike out on my own.

I've been surviving off of massage and working for Freshi. While money is tight, and I wish I had more, I'm doing all right. I think it all comes down to acceptance and staying positive and forward thinking. I know right now, and probably for some time yet, money is tight. But it doesn't mean it's not coming into me. It is, and I'll just keep working to make sure that it continues coming and in bigger quantities. And accepting that this is how I want to be, instead of guilting myself for living like this, and choosing to know that massage and any other job I have is a tool for me to get what I want, has lifted a huge weight off my shoulders.

The biggest thing I wanted in quite sometime was independence. Amazingly enough, I've gotten it. Now the next thing to work on is getting the acting career up and going. This a long, many layered journey, and I know I'm just at the beginning of it. But I'm not giving up, after all, I'm just getting started!

More later,

1 comment:

  1. You are an inspiration, my dear friend. I love you.